The Cheating Curve
When cheating means different things to different people, how do we know when someone is cheating?
For a woman who’s entire identity is finding a husband, Charlotte is pleased to find herself in an all women space: the art lesbian. She’s showing work from Yael, a lesbian painter, at the gallery and all the rich New York lesbians have shown up. So has a woman with flimsy connections to Charlotte’s date who she later finds locking lips in the storage room. Even though it’s their second date, Charlotte thinks of this as cheating. Samantha disagrees because, obviously, she does. And Carrie comes through with some sense saying it’s hard to define in concrete terms.
Carrie only starts making sense when convenient. She’s sleeping with Big again and sneaking around to do it. None of the ladies know and I can say with certainty, if she weren’t sneaking around, she wouldn’t be so casual about cheating. She even brings quantum physics into the conversation. She is really making leaps and bounds to make a point. The Carrie arch in this episode is particularly frustrating because she knows what she’s doing is dumb. When she arrives at Big’s after escaping from the art show, she says he’s emotionally unavailable. So why are you going back!?
Anyway, Samantha is fucking her trainer who loves talking about commitment to physical health and despises cheat days. He also shaves her bush into a lightning bolt. Because his name is Thor. I admire Samantha for seeing what she wants to in a man. And not to be outdone, Miranda is sleeping with Ethan, a filmmaker and porn enthusiast. She first has to sit through tedious movies and then tedious “conversation” about the movies (Ethan is the only one talking), just to make it back to his place and split his attention with the threesome on the screen. Now listen, I’m not against watching porn with partners. I think it’s fun and then you get to try whatever stunt they do. But I’m with Miranda on this.
Miranda even sees Carrie early one morning (when Carrie is escaping Big’s) and starts telling her all about it. “Move your head here. Move it there.” Yes, you can tell me what to do in bed but when it’s so you can get a better view of a screen, I’m out. Of course, Miranda questions why Carrie is there at that time (dentist appointment) and why so dressed up (laundry day) but she takes her word for it because Miranda is a good friend. With everyone dealing with their own cheating fallout, Carrie begins to wonder, “In a gravity free world of anything goes, what constitutes cheating?”
Season 2 Episode 6: The Cheating Curve
From a young age, we all learn about cheating. If you’ve ever known anyone on a diet (who doesn’t?) you know about cheat days. They’d eat a normal meal and say, “Oh I’m so bad.” Gamers will talk ad nauseam about cheat codes and whether you should or shouldn’t use them. It used to be a thing to order a small drink at Starbucks (no ice) and ask for a large cup (with ice) and pour the drink into the large cup giving you a full large drink. Nowadays, we’d call it a hack but when it started we called it cheating the system. I was notorious for cheating when I was younger… in Candy Land. More often than not it bit me in the ass. I’d strategically stack the deck so I’d skip to the lollipop woods only to be knocked back to the licorice castle later. In Candy Land terms, cheating is easy to understand but it’s still sorta murky. “That’s not fair” or “You can’t do that” are thrown around a lot. If cheating is so bad, why do people keep doing it?
Without cheating we wouldn’t have some of the greatest moments in pop culture. The Revenge Dress, Bradjalina, Confessions Part II! Cheating is so much a part of our culture that it's inescapable in the media. John Tucker Must Die is a movie that’s main plot is revenge on a serial cheater. Or would we call it infidelity? Friends kept “We were on a break!” alive for multiple seasons. Don Draper cheated more than he worked, oftentimes cheating at work. And while Friends and Mad Men use cheating as plot points, some shows use it as a catalyst (inciting incident for my theatre people) for everything. Fleabag Season 1 is an incredible example of this (and now I need to rewatch it). When we see it laid out, it’s easy to identify but real life isn’t so clear cut. Carrie is right when she says Charlotte and Samantha have different definitions of cheating. So what is cheating?
There are many parts to cheating and different types of cheating. I think that’s why it’s difficult to say this is and this isn’t. Straight up sleeping with someone who is not your significant other. Obviously cheating. But what if it’s early stages and because you’re anxious or scared you haven’t defined what the relationship is with the other person? Maybe you’re only dating them but they’re dating other people. Is that cheating? I don’t think so but other people might. There’s a lot of talk of emotional affairs these days. Nothing is happening physically. But there’s a lot of deep conversations and confessions of problems in your relationship. Real feelings are starting to emerge because you’re getting to know this other person so well. Is this cheating? What if it’s not even that deep. What if it’s like Adam Levine and his awooga!! instagram messages. No feelings, just lust. Still nothing physical though. Is that cheating?
No matter what, I think the main thing is lying. Secrets. Sneaking around. People talk about their work wives or work husbands but it’s when they don’t tell their partner about it that it gets suspicious. Personally, I’m someone who loves to lie. It’s the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off. Sometimes I’ll just say things that are not true just for the fun of it. I know that it’s learned behavior and when I started lying it was to protect myself. And as I’ve talked with friends this week about cheating, I’ve realized that if I cheated, I would lie. It would kill me, the shame and the guilt, but I also think I would relish in it. The key to a good lie is truth. Every liar knows that.
“Where were you?”
“At a movie.”
“Who are you texting?”
“My best friend.”
But lies unravel and most of the time, confessing is the only way out. Carrie’s diaphragm is stuck and Samantha has to fish it out. She hasn’t been talking about dating anyone so who could she possibly be having sex with? That’s when Carrie’s lie is revealed and she knows her friends are right when they get mad at her. I got mad at her while I was watching! Really makes me wish I could’ve watched it in real time and be part of the water cooler conversations.
Carrie is really two-faced throughout this episode. And as a self diagnosed Carrie, I think I would be too. One of the only good parts in the second season of Euphoria is the hot tub scene. When asked if he and Maddy are back together Nate responds, “No.” And then Maddy gets mad saying she also says no but it’s different when she says it. I absolutely think I would do the same thing. If I had a work spouse to flirt with all day, I wouldn’t think twice about it. But I would definitely have feelings about my partner having a work spouse. Because it means something else for me! And this is why it’s so hard to define cheating. Do we have to take it case by case? I think we just might. I can’t define it for everyone but the thing with cheating is we know it when we see it.
The episode ends with an absolute banger water cooler moment. Carrie and Big are out dancing and she’s doing her own dance. Carefully not saying exactly what she wants to say. And he’s a world champion deflector. I threw my phone. But we all know they’re destined for greatness. I can’t wait for cheating to come back in a big way.