The newlyweds, Miranda and Steve, are taking a long weekend away, which Miranda is reluctant to call a honeymoon. And they’re planning to take Brady so it really won’t be a honeymoon! Hooray for her. But of course, Charlotte can’t help but offer to take Brady while they’re gone and Carrie gets suckered into babysitting as well. So maybe it is a honeymoon after all. Together, alone, secluded from all other human life, Miranda slowly goes insane. She’s clinging to her dying cell phone for any news from the outside world. And if there’s an excuse to go home early she wouldn’t be opposed to that. In the end, after Steve reminds her it’s his honeymoon too, she gives in to the luxury of doing nothing.
Back in the city, Samantha’s surgery went well and the lump was removed. But as a precaution, her doctor still suggests a round of chemo. She doesn’t take it well, especially after he says there are studies that show women who have never had kids have an increased chance of getting breast cancer. Samantha takes it as a dig at her lifestyle and declares she’s going to find a woman doctor who understands this better. But it’s not so easy to get an appointment with the best female doctor, Dr. McAndrew. She and a nun sit around in the waiting room for days hoping something will open up. Samantha’s lifestyle does some good though because the stony receptionist is more than happy to help once she knows who Samantha is dating.
Carrie is first on Brady duty. She strongly believes she’s pulling it off in her classic Vuitton. Others might disagree. Their first stop is with Aleksandr. It was his idea even for them to come by. Carrie lets herself in with the new key Aleksandr has given her but she fumbles the alarm code (also given willingly and without scene) and then Brady breaks a vase. But not to worry, The Russian happens to be very good with kids. He’s had some experience. He has a child of his own. Looking after Brady and seeing Aleksandr with him has Carrie thinking about if she should have a child of her own. But The Russian is adamant it won’t be with him. He’s old, he’s had a vasectomy, he’s done. But if this is something Carrie wants, he won’t stand in the way of her having that.
Before Charlotte takes Brady off Carrie’s hands, she tries to convince her to have a baby. Maybe Aleksandr will have his vasectomy reversed! But Charlotte’s always been focused on getting married and having children. Of course she would expect other people to want that for themselves. Through it all Carrie can’t help but wonder, “How do we separate what we could do and what we should do? Why are we should-ing all over ourselves?”
Season 6 Episode 15: Catch 38
I often find myself overwhelmed by everything I should be doing. The laundry is piling up, dishes need to be washed, a meal would be good. And instead of doing any of it, I scroll for hours watching the minutes pass and thinking to myself, “I should be doing something.” The list is on a cycle through my thoughts and more and more is added every second. It’s the cause of a lot of my anxiety and when I do accomplish a task, my anxiety eases. If I know I have things to do and actually doing them makes me feel better, why can’t I start?
Part of the reason is that my list is too long to accomplish in the time I have any given day. I should be doing X, Y, and Z but I only have an hour or so. What I should do and what I can do are very different things. (And what I want to do is a whole other conversation entirely.) Paul and I have been talking a lot about action items. When our to-do list seems too daunting, we break it down into digestible pieces. We were FaceTiming the other day and I said I needed to pick up my room. I had clean laundry on my bed and he told me to start there. Suddenly, it didn’t seem so bad. I folded my laundry, put it away, and hung up coats. Newton’s first law really took me by storm because I just kept tidying small portions of my room till it was done.
Carrie’s anxiety about what she should be doing is a little different. Her age is so much more present in her mind, Aleksandr mentions it, so does Charlotte, because her time to have children is coming to an end. Does she have any tests done to see if this is really the case? No. But why would she do something to assuage her anxiety? She doesn’t even know if she wants children, which is the better question to be asking. Charlotte keeps telling her that she has to know if she wants children because she has to do it now. But this is the first time she’s thought about being a mother since the first season. Season 1 Episode 10: The Baby Shower. Was she next?
It’s not about if she should. It’s about if she wants to. Why should anyone have children if they don’t want to? When she sees Aidan again after he ended their engagement, he has his baby boy with him. Aidan says, “I have a baby.” Carrie says, “I have a date!” She’s never wanted a baby. She’s only ever wanted a boyfriend. When they were engaged, babies were never a part of their conversations. I mean, she could barely stand Scout. But now, with Aleksandr she no longer has that option. If she’s with him, that means there won’t ever be a baby. Samantha’s not affected by the news because that just means more time to do whatever! Travel, fuck, anything. But she’s always known she doesn’t want a baby. She barely wants a man.
I don’t think Carrie wants kids. It’s been six years since she last thought about having them. But I find it a little concerning that she’s not making this decision herself. She’s letting her boyfriend decide for her. This is a pattern I’ve noticed since their first date. And every time I rewatch the series it infuriates me the same as before. While at the Russian Tea House, Aleksandr tells her to try the food. “Try it. You’ll like it.” With his romantic gestures, they’re all things he appreciates. In this current episode, he says that he’s set in his ways. He is telling her what to like. He’s instilling his tastes in her. Yes, he also tells Carrie that she should have everything she wants and that seems sort of sweet, in the moment. Until you realize he already has everything he wants. And nothing in his life will change with Carrie around.
In a way, John is my Aleksandr Petrovsky. Nothing in his life has changed because of me. And nothing will change after I leave. Aleksandr has lived the life that Carrie wants and now he just wants peace. And John? Well, he’s already set in his life. He has the stability I’m still searching for. The difference between us is that John can’t give me the life I want and Aleksandr won’t. So what should I do with this information? The difficult answer: I should break up with him. And we already knew that would happen when we started dating. My time in New York is quickly drawing to a close and I’ve started doing what I can to alleviate my moving anxiety. Looking at apartments, planning the drive, figuring out a job.
I’m sure people would tell me I should do things differently. And I could, but, why? We don’t all have to be doing the same thing. Making the same moves. We do what we can and we keep it going. The one thing I’ve done for now, in regards to John, is say that we shouldn’t make plans to see each other after I move. It’s something we’d talked about briefly but for some peace of mind, I needed to take it off the table. Maybe I should do more, break it off now. But I don’t want to. And isn’t it enough that I’ve done what I can? We’re all making different moves. We’re on different timelines. And in time, the things that I should do will become the things that I will do.